Can a person be too open? Isn't honesty a virtue? Ok so that's two questions. I have been thinking this morning about getting to know people. Can you be too open about your feelings?
Let me clarify something before I go on. When I ask this I'm not talking about TMI (too much information) moments like when someone gives you intimate details about their bodily functions (which I actually may be guilty of) or things of a similar nature. I do think that you can be too open about that stuff. You have to know (conocer not saber) your audience before you start dishing out that kind of information.
What I want to know is that when you are getting to know someone, can you be too open? Can you be too honest? Can you give too much of yourself away? Isn't it a criteria on everyone's list to find a friend that loves you for who you really are?
My brother insists that people are intrigued by a little bit of mystery. I think he is right. People who don't share a lot create this mysteriousness about them that can be quite captivating. I can tell you all right now, that I do not play the mystery card.
Do you think that being too open is a turn off? Maybe, like most things, it depends on the person and the situation. I don't believe that there is one right way for anything.
I am really interested to know what you all think about this. What say ye?
7 comments:
You've been asking DEEP things lately-I wish I used my brain more.
In my future book "Social cues for the Socially Retarded" (copyright pending...) this could be its own chapter! It'll be titled "Baby Steps-the path to a Healthy Relationship." Other chapters could be "Hello my Name is-the guide to first encounters" and "Social Geography-what's acceptable and where" This book is going to be big! I can thank BYU students for the inspiration! :)
I don't think choosing what you reveal to others isn't being honest, especially on a first encounter. Now if you want to pursue a relationship then you have to be willing to open up, especially if they ask you questions about the past or your opinions on things. If you lie from the beginning you are only dooming your future.
I really think that it isnt about being too honest but about being too open or honest too soon. For instance, if you're on a 1st date, than you really shouldnt open up about all your insecurities or past failures since you are still building a foundation. However, once the foundation is laid and there is actually a relationship than those items can come into conversation or into the relationship. Just my thoughts!
I'm with Allie. Sometimes time is all that you need to be more open. Also, Riley is pretty open about things. Just sayin.
But I think some people are just more open than others, and you should do what makes you feel comfortable, BUT still not make the other person uncomfortable. Does that make sense? Like, do you remember going to Phase with someone who was a little too open? Who had maybe had too much therapy? That was uncomfortable. But if I were best friends with her, it wouldn't have been. You know? ok.
Well, I didn't read the comments above so that they would not skew what I say. I do think that you can be too open. Some things don't need to be shared right away. I am not talking about playing games and being mysterious, but just taking it easy and realizing that you have a lot of time to get to know each other. You don't need to pour out your soul in hopes that they will really get you.
However, I do think it is important to be honest. Like I said, no games. Okay, I am going to read the other comments now and see what they say.
I read them and it reminded me of something. Remember on Saturday night when we were talking about making friends and I said it is harder to be forgiving of new people because you don't know them? So, if you do something that I think is weird, then I get over it really quickly because I know you. But if someone I don't know does something weird I think, oh, that must be how they are. This is making sense like I thought it would.
Okay, here is a better example. Tyler sometimes tells me things that I need to hear but don't necessarily want to hear. I usually get offended, but then realize he would never do anything to hurt me. I know how he feels about me and I feel very safe with him so I am more open to those suggestions/discussions than I would be with anyone else.
Well I guess I had a lot to say about that.
Riley, I wish I could talk to you more because you crack me up! I will be the first to buy your book if you when you publish it.
I think you all make great points. I really liked what Kiley said about not pouring out your soul "in hopes that they will really get you." That is so true because it does take time to get to know someone and you don't have to spill everything in the first 10 minutes.
Allie, I also liked what you said about building a foundation first. After that you will feel more comfortable about deeper and more personal issues.
I think it comes down to being patient and relaxed. Patience that a relationship doesn't just build itself in one date. And as you understand this you will be relaxed and enjoy the date more.
You guys are awesome.
Here I am reading this blog post six years later as I stumbled upon it on the internet having the time of my life. I love the way you think. And I thought I was the only weird person I knew that was so into vocabulary. Regarding openness, I think it can be a double edged sword. For people like myself who can be very tender and vulnerable at times I find openness welcoming because it is disarming and helps me feel comfortable. Plus I also find it very difficult to read between the lines socially and intuit (is that a real word? If not, dibs for making it up! :) what people are trying to say. I do not get along well with insinuation. So I feel more comfortable with people who are expressive and do not leave me guessing as to what they're thinking. I am very hard on myself so if left to wonder I usually think you're thinking something less than desirable about me. However, the world is not filled with all good-hearted people and being that open up front can cause problems. I know, I have tendency to do it myself. So, I guess the answer is to grab a daisy and pull petals or try the time-tested eenie meenie minee moe. LOL!
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